In my limited experience, I have observed that most married couples start out dancing together. As time passes, they dance more often with their respective teachers and less with their spouse. In my case, my wife has surpassed me in abilities and can dance at a higher level than me. She is very comfortable, and can follow the most skilled male teachers. Meanwhile, I still trying to figure out where the "7 beat" is in my waltz routine (old joke with my teachers).

Let's face it, males have a tougher time in dance - not only do we have to know the routines, or dance steps, but then we have to lead someone else through it and stay on beat - all at the same time. So, it ends up that the female likes to dance with someone who can do all those things the males do. And, by dancing with instructors, the males can fudge their way through the dance. Thus, the growing apart starts.

In our case, my wife and I enjoy dancing with our instructors, but we have also maintained the joy of dancing together. In our studio, my wife and I are one of the few couples that still dance together, and we even compete separately and together as an "amateur couple".

Wanelee's experience matches ours exactly including pro-am and am-am solo and frestyle events yet enjoy social dancing with each other a great deal as well.

I would not characterize dancing with my wife as a major problem, however, we do not compete together. It is our standing joke at the studio that we prefer to remain married rather than competitive partners.

She does compete a little in Pro-Am events while I compete with another student in International Amateur events as well as some Pro-Am with my instructor. We agree that I am the better dancer but that seems to be OK with her so long as we dance socially and we do, three or four times a week. However, I take considerably more instruction with my amateur partner, with my instructor (and Pro partner) and I provide practice partnership for several other ladies at the studio.

When we dance socially there are definitely some "don'ts" and for us, criticism or correction is a big don't. Only rarely do I offer criticism of her dancing, but I praise as much as I can. Often, when she does something "wrong" it is my fault in that I lead poorly or indecisively. As I become stronger because of my other partners and more instruction I provide a better social partner for my wife. I study both my steps and the ladies' steps and technique with the goal of being unaffected by any deficiencies my partner may have. As my skill grows I find I can dance comfortably with most ladies at any skill level. The primary skill my wife addresses is the ability to follow and she does so very well.

Leading and following is anything but subconscious. These are two of the most difficult skills to master. Confidence (or lack of confidence) in self or a partner may be a subconscious factor in a successful partnership. I know that I am not as strong as her Pro partner (instructor) and there are times when my wife may not feel as strong or precise a lead from me but by following what she feels it generally looks good and by not back leading I feel my mistakes.

Keep dancing with your wife and just have fun doing so.